walking away

"I have had worse partings, but none that so

gnaws at my mind still. perhaps it is roughly

saying what God alone could perfectly show

how selfhood begins with a walking away,

and love is proved in the letting go.."

                                                                                            C.Day Lewis

dalam class literature hari tu
Peter bagi satu poem ni
its about a father's feeling bila dia hantar anak dia time first day sekolah
ayah dia macam sedih la
macam susah nak let his kid go
macam sat ja anak dia dah besar and all the things
yes, harusla we looked at the literary devices, how to teach and all that bla bla..

tapi kan somehow, it reminds me of my aiman afiq
dulu selalu pi hantar and pi amik dia
time dia kat Nuri and pre-school Darulaman
i still remember his first day at the pre-school
he cried at first :(
but still dia nak la pi sekolah
baik aiman ni..
then dalam kereta on the way back to rumah
its my turn to sob T__T
haih..

tapi paling best time dia kat Nuri
soooo cute with his yellow uniform
i think he's around 4 years old time tu
happy je tiap2 kali pi hantaq and ambik
sebelum pi tu macam2 la budak tu
nak wan pi hantaq la
nak maktuk pi hantaq la
well, cucu tok penghulu kannn
masuk kelas paling lambat
tapi time balik, dia yang awal sekali
fine, i la yang pi ambik awal tu
hahaha
best tengok cikgu dah bagi mandi lepas bangun tidoq
kadang2 tengah minum petang time pi ambik
kadang2 tengah main :)

but the point is, i really miss him
birthday dia nak sampai dah ni
hari tu call dia cakap nak hadiah tshirt je
sweet kan?

2007, morning: aiman nak pi sekolah. bag besar tu ada bantal busuk (wajib!!), botol susu ngan toys je lebih. eh ke ada buku? ada la kot, buku colour2..

and again i realise, how true is that
when they said how selfhood begins with walking away
and love is proved in the letting go
years ago, i walked away to start my selfhood
and my makayah proved their love by letting me go..

p/s: peter kata, time dia belajaq poem ni, dia tak rasa apa sebab dia tak faham. dia kata now, bila dah ada anak sendiri baru dia faham feeling ayah dalam poem ni. wow, it took him what? 30-40 years to get the real feeling kan? to get connected with the poem... fortunately, sebagai ibu mithali lagi baik hati, i dah rasa dah benda ni since years ago. hikhikhik tu la bestnya ada kesayangans awal2 :)))