of coming back

disebabkan hari ni (11may 2012) last day class kat university of warwick <-- sedih sekit
means lagi 9 hari nak exam, lepas tu a month holiday after a week of exam
maksudnya apa? maksudnya dah nak balik rumah
lebih kurang 2 bulan lagi sebelum kembali ke bumi Malaysia, insyaAllah
to be exact, as both aiman and alia are counting the days (yeayyy!), ada lagi 49 hari
and at this point of time, perasaan campur2 la
macam nasi kandaq tu, semua rasa ada
tapi, yang dominant harusla happy and bersyukur 3 tahun dah almost complete
kadang2 rasa macam sat, kadang2 rasa lama
normal la :)

sedih nak tinggal england pun ada
helooo, bukan senang nak boleh dok sini
mai jalan2 mungkin possible kalau ada rezeki lebih
tapi untuk nak duduk sini, feeling macam orang sini
jalan2, makan2, social life, ada benefits bla bla, i dont know
mungkin tak dah kot
kalau ada rezeki untuk master or even phd pun mungkin i choose dalam malaysia je
honestly, dari sudut hati yang ikhlas, penat tau dok jauh dari family
ada la teringin sikit nak sambung kat sini lagi
tapi setakat sekarang, i choose you, MALAYSIA ^_^

tapi kan, tak semua orang sama kan?
ada yang tak mau balik
ada yang tension sebab dah nak balik
mungkin we dont share the same thoughts
tapi, for me, bila dok jauh ngan family
susah nak explain the emotions and mental tu
alhamdulillah, physical well-being sihat sejahtera :)

since form 1 start dok hostel
but alor setar - jitra is not a problem at all, wanna go back everyday also can!
then, ipoh - jitra, oh well we have nice highway with fast cars and busses hahaha
now, coventry - jitra, oh baby, its a decision of once a year to meet my loved ones
lain cerita la kalau k.farah and k.dahlia
depa ada open tickets go back and come here again anytime they want to
un.jan kata kadang2 every month or once in two months tengok2 dah balik (what!!!!)
but, syukur la banyak2, fini setahun sekali boleh balik
makayah pun mai sini kan ;)
ada yang straight 3 tahun tak balik tau
i wonder how they survive..

sepanjang kat sini tak pernah satu hari berlalu tanpa doa dan ingatan kat family
bila jauh macam ni, soal homesick bukan an option
memang kena delete terus
its not that kalau teringat sangat2, ambik bus or train balik jumpa makayah
the most i can do, pick up my phone or skyping
and paling penting, bila dah kat sini i know how doa adalah sangat penting
Allah teaches me pentingnya kebergantungan pada Dia
kena yakin Allah ada untuk diri kita, and Allah ada untuk jaga apa yang kita sayang
i remember I cried a lot days before i left 3 years ago
and i told myself, I will leave all my loved ones in Allah's love, the best love and care of all
kalau susah hati, rindu la, teringat la
mak kata, doa and doa, itu je mampu bila jauh macam ni
dok dekat pun kena doa, wajib tu
tapi belajar lebih yakin dengan doa dan pengharapan pada Allah

sepanjang jauh macam ni, i dream a lot about coming back to my family
i missed a lot bila jauh
sakit demam makayah, suka duka makayah, happy and sad moments of my family
i cant witness my kids grow up, its so so so sad
i was not there to be with them. its hard u know
i try to be the best daughter, sister and aunt to them, to be with them in every single thing that happens
its hard when i am so far away
all i can do, pray a lot everytime i think of them, call everyday, twice a day sometimes

hopefully bila dok dekat, more things i can do for my family, insyaAllah

thats why i cant stop the 'coming back' thing in my mind
i pray hard, Ya Allah, please ease everything for my family and me
semoga dikurniakan banyak kesempatan untuk kita happy2 satu family, amiiinnn..

yes, i am very sad right now. Allah, please ease my heart and mind, amiiin..